Mens Talk

Monday, July 19, 2021

Keeping Marriage for the sake of Children Even though Wife Hurts Me


Keeping Marriage for the sake of Children Even though Wife Hurts Me

This time the story of the man who appeared with the title Keeping Marriage for the sake of Children Even though Wife Hurts Me.


Introducing, I am a husband and father with two children. I am currently 39 years old, and wife 37 years old. My two children are 11 and 2 years old.

My problem here is between me and my wife. I feel unappreciated as a husband even though I feel I have contributed so far, but my wife thinks I am less than helpful.

My job is uncertain but every day I have an income. I used to work in a good company but the location is far from home, then I was forced by my wife to leave my job and go home because she didn't want a long distance relationship and my wife didn't want to be invited to move to the area where I worked there, because she didn't like the area.

Then several times worked in other fields but my wife did not like it. After that for 3 years I worked erratically because I took care of the kids too and because my wife didn't allow anyone to look after the kids other than the two of us.

So the kids with me while my wife works, and sometimes my kids, I leave for a while and I still go to work even though my wife isn't home yet because I also need money for the kids and household needs.

Why did I have the heart to leave the child before my wife came home? Because my wife always offends me useless.

When I want to do a better job, I mean focus on work without being limited to taking care of the kids, I'm always told to hurry home, and she says the kids are in need of this and that despite my wife's position at home. When my little one needed milk and other things, my wife even asked my older son to do just that.

If it's busy at work, I can earn $800 per day sometimes more and if it's quiet like now, I still get $400.

Why am I not firm with my wife? Because when I was about to start talking, my wife was already angry and not infrequently she was angry in front of the children. That's why I prefer to go or stay silent when my wife is like that rather than hurt my children because their parents are fighting.

I've had good discussions many times, but my wife is still angry. I used to say: "don't be too loud when you talk, it would be embarrassing for the neighbors to hear", but my wife said she didn't care, and said: "let the neighbors hear".

Eventually my children burst into tears of fear, so I chose silence for now. My silence is not because I can't be firm but because I think about the children's feelings.

Almost a year ago my wife admitted that she had another man. The man already has a wife and his household is also in trouble.

But my wife didn't want to divorce me. She wanted to stay like this but he asked me to let her go with another man and she would also set me free with another woman.

She came to show me a photo of a man on her cell phone and said: "this is my man, where is your woman?" She also said: "I have found a man, and I feel comfortable with him, he is more than anything than you". So hurt to hear that.

In front of her husband, she compares other men and compliments him. Even though I never cheated. In fact, if I have any money, I always give it all to my wife.

It all started with a reunion, because my wife had a reunion with a school friend before giving birth to her second child and continued group chat, it turned out like this and she also didn't allow anyone to see her cellphone, including my son who wanted to borrow her phone.

I love to be sad when I see my children, they don't get their mother's attention. I also take care of the house at home, cook, bathe the children, after my wife comes home from work, I go to work, sometimes I also work while my wife is still working, because sometimes my job is uncertain, depending on the work call.

When I'm not home, the kids are always looking for me. And always say to my wife: "Where is dad?, when is dad coming home?, is it still a long time or not?".

All because my children are not comfortable with their mother. My wife likes to have them do this and that, if I am not at home all the household chores are done by my first child, such as taking care of his younger brother, then cooking and so on.

Sometimes it crosses my mind, should I seek attention from other women too? but I canceled it because I thought it was a bad idea.

Once my older son said to me: "Dad!, I will not approve of mother with another man, because that person destroyed our family." I was so sad to hear that, until my son found out what his mother did.

I often go to my parents' house just to get rid of my fatigue, because I feel depressed, but I am scolded by my wife for going to my parents' house, and when my children go to my parents' house, I am also scolded by my wife me.

This is not because my wife has the problem with my parents, but because my wife wants the children to stay at home, while I want my children to socialize to form mentality. And the rules that my wife made are not because of the pandemic but have been made far away before the pandemic hit.

In my opinion, why are the children told to stay at home, after all at home my wife doesn't pay attention to it, my wife just sleeps and plays with her cellphone.

When I was at my parents' house I could only cry but didn't tell my parents about this problem, I just said: "I'm just tired". And my parents never interfered in my wife and I's household.

Several times I asked my parents to help take care of the children so that I could focus on work but instead I was scolded by my wife. The children were left at their parents' house, my wife was angry, my parents, I invited them to visit my house, my wife was also angry.

It's not that I don't want a divorce, but my eldest son often says: "Dad, don't lose to that man and don't separate from mom, dad must be strong".

I'm heartbroken by all this trouble, I don't know who to talk to, because I can't tell the whole story if I tell people in real life, and I'm embarrassed too.

I don't know how long my household will be like this. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or what, but I feel a little relieved to be able to tell this, because I've been keeping it all to myself.

Actually, I still have a lot to say but I'm afraid that my writing will be too long and the readers won't feel comfortable, thank you.

Admin Opinion

Hello friends, in fact so far your efforts have been maximal enough to maintain your household.

Indeed, the reason children often base their parents on to survive even though the household is not healthy, it's just that if you think about it more broadly, the child will certainly not be happy with the condition of his parents if it is like that and is more or less worried that it will affect the child's psyche.

Maybe divorce isn't the solution to every household problem, but if the wife's faults are intolerable (cheating openly until the kids find out, not playing the role of a mother to the kids and so on) maybe it's time for you to consider your own happiness, and for peace of mind. your kids too.

But if from the heart it is still difficult to consider separating, because you are still thinking about children, maybe you should increase your patience to deal with your wife.

I understand you have been very patient all this time, and you have to believe that nothing is impossible if you try. Hopefully sooner or later your expectations can be achieved (your wife changes and the household returns to harmony).

Just don't ever have a relationship with another woman while still tied to a household like this. Even though it's hard for you to live this, having an affair will only add to the problem.

Read Also: My wife's good intentions seem to be used by my ex-wife

Maybe you can consider looking for a man who is close to your wife, in the hope that you can still admonish him to stay away from your wife, considering that the man already has a wife.

 So just in case, it might be a good idea from now on to collect evidence of your wife's infidelity, so that if you divorce, your children can come with you because they read from stories, with characters like that, it is feared that their children will not be taken care of properly with their mother.

This is my personal opinion about the story that a man told me which I titled: Keeping Marriage for the sake of Children Even though Wife Hurts Me.