Mens Talk

Thursday, January 6, 2022

I am bewildered because my future wife doesn't want children

I am bewildered because my future wife doesn't want children
I am bewildered because my future wife doesn't want children

Today we will hear a man's story entitled I am bewildered because my future wife doesn't want children.


Hi, I'm a 32-year-old male from Arizona; I have been dating my lover since 2018 and have been dating for more than 3 years.

In commemoration of 3 years, I have a plan proposed to my lover this year. I offered her a hotel room so not many people would see it, but I also invited some close friends.

I promised my family to propose to her in the next few months that when I was 32 years old, I would take her to the wedding.

Flashback, at the beginning of my love relationship with her, we had the intention to get married, build a happy household, have 3 children, have a side business. Every year we go on vacation abroad with the children.

But that dream was shattered when my lover committed not to want to have children. At first, I thought she was just testing me, whether I would still love her or back off.

So to prove the sincerity of my love, that's why I proposed to her right on our 3rd anniversary. After our anniversary celebration, I tried to talk again about the childfree issue. However, she still insisted on defending her ego. Still, I wanted to understand her because I didn't want to spoil the happy day.

After that, all day, I was browsing about childfree, hearing from various sources and various points of view. After understanding multiple references, I tried to discuss them again.

That's where we had an argument the first time, so luckily, we had a fight while in the car so that others did not hear our opinion.

So basically, she wants to live happily with me completely. That's why she doesn't want to be burdened with having children. Because she already imagined how tired she would be if she had to take care of children. Because she had an experience when she helped take care of her sister's baby.

One of my questions is, what will happen when you grow old but have no children? Who will take care when we are old? But she replied: Currently, I think many parents are abandoned by their own biological children; in fact, children do not guarantee that we will be cared for until we are old.

So she said: instead of supporting the children, it is better to save money for the future when we are old, pay for our care when we are old, or pay for services to a nursing home.

And she said again: Be grateful if we don't live to be old, so we don't have to be cared for instead of living old to trouble others.

So all my questions are refuted by her arguments. I'm getting dizzy; what should I do in the future? And also I had promised that I would propose to her in a few months.

Admin's answer

Hi, in general, the desire to have children or not is the right of every individual. But going back to the future will tell how it will develop.

It's not new that some people plan not to have children. The reasons are various, one of which may be the fear of not being a good parent. Luckily this problem matter can be discussed before the wedding, so you can still reconsider as of now.

Friend, getting married is about commitment and a shared vision and mission. Suppose there wasn't a common goal from the start. In that case, it might not hurt to reconsider the relationship before it gets more complicated (after marriage, it becomes harder to make decisions).

I understand it is not easy to do this because, of course, you have a lot of considerations, as you have outlined above. It's just that maybe you can think that it's better to fail now than to feel like a failure for the rest of your life. Because you're living a marriage that doesn't have any comfort in it (the principle was different from the start).

But if you want to continue, maybe you need to prepare a stronger heart if the reality remains the same (wife doesn't want children). Because no one can change a person other than the person herself. So if you're hoping marriage can change that, maybe you need to change those expectations so you won't be disappointed later.

The critical point, the purpose of having children, is not so that children take care of us in old age or as our assets. When we give sincere affection, embrace the child, and make the child a friend, a warm relationship will automatically be formed. Without being asked by the parents, the child will do everything the best he ever got from the parents.

This is Admin's opinion about the story titled I am bewildered because my future wife doesn't want children and how about your opinion?